I must have had really good foresight because considering the fun Bim and I had at Monster Jam last night, I was really happy I scheduled my doctors appointment today at 11:45 am. Although even that seemed early. (Side note: EVERYONE needs to experience Gravedigger in person.) I have a ton of pics of the evening but I’ll just share this one. I know there are no trucks involved but God, I love this man. He even bought me my own Monster Jam trucker hat to add to my headcovering collection.
The appointment was to get an echocardiogram of my heart. Basically, they want to make sure my heart’s okay before starting chemo. Because of the shoebox in my chest, that was a bit difficult to do so the nurse technician spent about an hour having me take deep breaths, moving this way and that, and pressing hard on my boob trying to get a good picture of my heart and listening to my heart beat.
We started chatting and after telling her my story (everyone always wants to know it considering I’m so young), she told me hers. Turns out she has four children, all girls. I told her that’s what I had always wanted growing up and she looked at me like I lost my mind. I reassured my goals had changed and now I was a happy new stepmom to an awesome 8 year old boy. You just got married too? she asked. After you were diagnosed? Your husband wasn’t afraid of that commitment? I don’t know if my husband would stay with me if I got sick. I mean I hope so, we have four kids.
After that, I was the one that looked at her like she was out of her mind. I know I’m blessed; if there had been any doubt about marrying Tim (and there hadn’t), his response to me being diagnosed with cancer three weeks before our wedding would have totally dissipated that. But I guess sometimes (a lot recently) I realize I am like blessed on crack. It sounds weird but getting cancer may be one of the best things that happened to me. Realizing what you have is a pretty big deal. Real big.
Then I come home and there are three packages waiting for me. And my beautiful, mustached man. God, how did I luck out with this life??
I know my posts have been super sappy as of late, but I can’t help it. I’m feeling like a rock star. I cry tears of joy and appreciation for my life and the people in it every single day. Yesterday I got a gift certificate for a massage/acupuncture focused on cancer patients from a friend I haven’t seen in probably eight years. (Christine, I cant tell you how touched I am!) I’m going this week to have a barber shave some lightening bolts in the side of my head. (A move my incredibly supportive coworkers fully endorse!) One of my boobs is perkier than it was when I was 15 (I actually burst into a laughing fit at the plastic surgeon’s yesterday because when I was laying on the table as they removed my drain, my left boob was standing as tall and proud as the Empire State building. The other one, not so much, but my incredible insurance actually covers any lifts, etc. on the unaffected one for symmetry purposes.) Overall, I’m just in a good place.
No worries though, lest you get bored with me. I start chemo in less than two weeks and although in my head I feel like I’m going to be part of the 5% that is not affected by chemo at all, most likely it’ll be closer to the “hell” my doctor keeps warning it will be. (I just made up that number. I do that a lot. But it’s a small amount. And my doctor is amazing but I think she’s just describing worse case scenarios for me. Part of the expectation setting thing.)
Anyway, chances are my posts may not be so saccharine. But till then, this is me. My heart is beating strong.