Thankful

My mom’s best friend sent me one go those daily inspirational books recently. My favorite one thus far has been about how if you stop and give thanks for everything, you’ll find the good far outweighs the bad. And conversely, if you focus on the bad, you’ll find much more bad than good in your life.

On Thanksgiving it seems highly appropriate to focus on the good. I’ve had ups and downs the past few weeks and am determined not to let this turn me into one of those “glass is half empty” types. I will remain an eternal optimist. No ifs, ands or buts.

Truth is though, this whole ordeal has been kinda shitty. And it hasn’t even really started yet. Like a bad telenovela. Getting cancer a month before starting your married life with someone? Canceling your honeymoon because of fertility treatments to harvest eggs while they are still any good? Shopping for prosthetic bras instead of lingerie? Really? I want to chalk it up to bad writing and change the channel.

But pity party all I want, this is my reality. It’s a marathon, not a sprint I tell myself. I have to focus one day at a time. And today, I choose to focus on the good.

I started the morning with the 5 mile Turkey Trot in Alexandria. Who knows where I’ll be at next November but this one I was there. I was thankful for my strength (albeit sloooow pace) and the shadow of my long ponytail swinging back and forth.

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I am thankful that when I got back home, my wonderful fiancé was waiting for me. That in 9 days he’s marrying me, even if we will spend our first year as newlyweds in and out of hospitals. When I came home yesterday in tears after talking with my doctor and realizing reconstruction wouldn’t take place until after chemo, basically rendering me one-boobed for 6 months or more, he just hugged me and reminded me he was a butt man anyway. That as long as I don’t get ass cancer, we’d be fine. I’m thankful for that kind of love.

And I’m thankful for my family, and my parents, who are the most supportive, loving and drop-anything-for-you people ever. They are on their way up here tomorrow to help us get the house in order and finish up wedding stuff. I’ve decided to do the reconstruction with my own tissue from my stomach, and although it’s a lengthier surgery and recovery time, it’s less maintenance and risk in the long run than implants. When I told my mom about my reading, finding the thanks in everything, she immediately had her own thoughts on things I should be thankful for.

“Maybe you should be thankful God made you a little rounder in the middle so you wouldn’t have to get implants!”

I love that crazy lady. And yes, thanks for the belly pooch, God. I appreciate it!

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